They (2002)

TheyA review by C J Dee

Director: Robert Harmon
Starring: Laura Regan, Marc Blucas, Ethan Embry, Dagmara Dominczyk, Jon Abrahams, Jay Brazeau
Other notable appearances: Acting and story that makes Tara Reid and Sharknado look eligible for Oscars
Running time: 89 minutes
Rating: ★★☆☆☆ 2/5

Julia (Regan), Billy (Abrahams), Sam (Embry), and Terry (Dominczyk) are early twenty-somethings who were all plagued with horrific childhood night terrors. When Billy commits suicide in front of Julia, he is rambling about creatures who only exist in the darkness. Soon Julia, Sam, and Terry are confronted by the same creatures who haunted their childhood. The remaining three embark on a struggle for their lives against creatures who exist in every shadow.

The acting in They was just atrocious. It wasn’t even funny-bad similar to what is found in Sharknado and its ilk. It was just bad, unconvincing and grating.

Speaking of grating, the lead female was one of the most wretchedly pathetic horror movie females I have seen in a long time. I could not feel any sympathy for the lead female from the beginning and by the time They hit its three-quarter mark, I was actively rooting for the malevolent shadowy creatures. In this reviewer’s opinion it was a combination of the direction, writing, and casting that caused this important structural breech.

The writing overall for They leaves a lot to be desired. The dialogue is trite and the story has so many holes that, if it were a building, it would be condemned. The plot is rendered uninteresting due to the gaping holes and the “scares” are predictable.

I would only recommend watching They if there is absolutely nothing else with the slightest glimmer of potential on AND if you have something else to do while it’s on.