Pirates: Band of Misfits (2012 movie)

The pirates coverA review by Nalini Haynes

★★☆☆☆ two out of five stars

The Pirates pins all its hopes for an audience – any audience – on its association with Wallace and Gromit and its cast of voice acting stars. Far inferior to Wallace and Gromit both in script writing and in image quality, some scenes were unwatchable because of the huge leaps in movement between frames. The story – pirates seek award, falling foul of an insane steampunk Queen Victoria and other baddies – is trope-soup thrown together like an inedible minestrone.

The most surprising things about Pirates were

  1. The drop in quality from Wallace and Gromit
  2. Helena Bonham Carter didn’t voice Queen Victoria: the part seemed to be written for Helena’s type-casting.

Billed as a family movie, parents will probably tire of this movie before the children as you’ve seen it all before. At 88 minutes it felt much, much longer. The Pirates will probably entertain children more if they haven’t been overly exposed to the tropes ripped straight off TV Tropes and [inserted here] throughout the movie. I’d give The Pirates three stars if the frame jumps weren’t so appalling.

Miss-able.

Two stars.