So That’s Why They Call It GeeLONG — NSFW

 A story by C J Dee

A couple of weeks ago I loaded my car up with clothes, towels, bottles of water and sunscreen, grabbed a close friend and headed down the west coast of Port Phillip Bay to the seaside town of Geelong.

My resourceful friend had found us a lovely enclosed area on Geelong’s eastern beach. The parking was plentiful, the weather was wonderful, and best of all? Because the area was enclosed there would be no sharks, saltwater crocodiles, giant squid, or scorpion-type-things from Amphibious.

We had a glorious day floating, swimming in and plummeting into the water. (What I do can’t be called diving by any stretch of the imagination — I’m a nerd, not an Olympian.) After a few hours the wind grew cool, we were pruney and we were hungry so we emerged from the water and sat on the grass to dry in the sun.

It was while lounging in the warmth that an odd sight caught my eye.

‘Is that kid waving a giant dildo?!’ I exclaimed.

A boy of no more than six or seven years was happily running around while holding a fluorescent yellow cylindrical object that was about a metre long and topped with a hot pink conical cap.

‘No, dear,’ my friend chuckled.

‘I know I don’t have my glasses on, but he’s getting closer and I’m pretty sure that’s a giant yellow dildo.’

‘Erm. No.’

I was almost convinced.

As we continued to watch, the small boy reached down and squeezed the base of the object. Sure enough, from the top of the hot pink cap erupted an arcing fountain of water.