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ConeheadsA review by C J Dee
  • Director: Steve Barron
  • Starring: Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin, Michelle Burke, Chris Farley, Michael McKean and David Spade
  • Other notable appearances: Drew Carey, Jon Lovitz, Ellen DeGeneres, Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, Sinbad, Adam Sandler, Tom Arnold, Phil Hartman
  • Running time: Far too long (88 minutes)
  • Watch this if you liked: Annoying SNL skits from the 70s.
  • Rating: 1/5

Beldar (Aykroyd) and Prymaat (Curtin) are Coneheads, conical-headed aliens, from the planet Remulak. Their craft crashes on Earth and they find themselves awaiting rescue for an indefinite amount of time. While attempting to blend in on their new planet, the Coneheads’ unconventional behaviour and shady social security numbers attract the attention of Immigration and Naturalization [sic] Services (INS) agents (McKean and Spade) for being – wait for it – illegal aliens. After escaping the clutches of the American Government, Beldar and Prymaat settle in suburban America to raise their newborn daughter, Connie (Burke).

Fast forward to a teenaged Connie dating mechanic Ronnie (Farley) and the family living the average (for TV anyway) American family life. The family have adapted well to life on their new home and are torn when they receive word they are about to be ‘rescued’.

Before watching Coneheads, the only movie adapted from an SNL skit or skits I had seen was Wayne’s World. I quite like Wayne’s World, not in an ‘I must watch this movie, right now, this very second’ way, but an ‘if it’s on and I’m looking, I’ll watch it and get a few laughs’ way.

Coneheads, however, is quite possibly the worst and most unredeemable film I have ever seen. I saw Sharknado at the cinemas and loved it. I own the Mega Shark movies on DVD and watch them often. I love action movies from the 80s and 90s with cheesy one-liners, massive plot holes and ridiculous villains. Today? Today I found the limit where ‘so bad it’s good’ is just ‘so bad it’s terrible’.

I’ll be honest, comedies are not often my first preference. I have comedies I love but they are very few and far between compared to the movies I love from genres I adore. I didn’t laugh once while watching Coneheads. (However, Nalini did. At my pain.) [heh, heh – Nalini]

The main characters were irritating to say the least. Their movements and speech-patterns, obviously intended to demonstrate their alien nature, were grating and, at times, ridiculous. They make random noises inexplicably throughout the movie and the noises are often shrill nonsense.

The dialogue was often cringe-worthy. The plot was uninteresting and often silly (not the good kind). I was so bored 40 minutes in that I actually contemplated turning the television off. I persevered but felt no sense of accomplishment at sticking with it, only disappointment.

I don’t like to give 100% bad reviews so I’d like to end on the thing I did love about this movie. The thing that made me think Coneheads would be a decent movie. In the first few moments, there is a scene on an in-movie television set showing Captain Kirk fighting the Gorn. That was the best few seconds of Coneheads. Hands-down.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch Ghostbusters and redeem the respect I once held for Dan Aykroyd.

Nalini is an award-winning writer and artist as well as managing editor of Dark Matter Zine.


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