Beautiful Creatures (2013)

Beautiful CreaturesA review by Nalini Haynes

Director: Richard LaGravenese
Writers: Richard LaGravenese (screenplay), Kami Garcia (based on the novel “Beautiful Creatures”), and Margaret Stohl (based on the novel “Beautiful Creatures”)
Stars: Alice Englert, Viola Davis, Alden Ehrenreich, Emma Thompson, Jeremy Irons

It’s been a while since I watched this movie. The lapse between viewing and reviewing is largely due to the apathy Beautiful Creatures inspires.

Girl meets Boy. There’s a Romeo–Juliet divide, something to do with her being magic and him being a muggle.

Two plots — the romance and the magical people conflict plot — fail to adequately entwine. It’s almost like the screenwriter forgot he was writing a movie and instead wrote a few instalments of a B-grade TV series.

Jeremy Irons and Emma Thompson stole every scene they were in without even trying. Unfortunately, they weren’t leading characters so this was not really a good thing. If I remember correctly, shit happened so one of them — Emma, I think — probably won’t be in any sequel. This is a great loss.

There’s an ending. One of those unsatisfying endings that means “we really hope to make a sequel because you love this tripe so much we don’t even have to try.” Remember: tripe is the innards of food animals made into indigestible items for consumption.

When are people going to learn that you don’t write the screenplay and direct the movie without, y’know, FEEDBACK? Preferably in the form of a COMPETENT EDITOR?

I give Beautiful Creatures 2 stars. Only watch this movie if you need a Jeremy Irons or Emma Thompson fix.

Rating: full starfull starEmpty starEmpty starEmpty star 2 out of 5 stars

PS I haven’t read the books.