Arachnoquake (2012)

ArachnoquakeA review by C J Dee

Director: G E Furst
Starring: Edward Furlong, Megan Adelle, Tracey Gold, Bug Hall, Olivia Hardt
Other notable appearances: Ethan Phillips
Running time: 86 minutes
Watch this if you liked: Sharknado, RoboCroc, Tremors
Rating: ★★★★☆ 4/5

When an earthquake in New Orleans causes fissures in the ground, the locals are surprised to find their city overrun by giant, fire-breathing spiders. It is up to a small tour group to come together and stop the spiders before they take over the whole country.

Syfy original movies are a great source of entertainment and laughter in this reviewer’s life. Arachnoquake is no exception to this grand tradition.

While the giant shark and giant crocodile flicks are hilarious, Arachnoquake has the added squick factor of arachnid threat. Without spoiling too much, all I can say is that the giant spiders procreate by laying eggs inside humans. Take from that what you will.

In Arachnoquake I found a combination of humorous dialogue, ridiculous special effects, terrible acting and outlandish plot. Probably not ideal for an Academy Award-winning contender but these points check all the boxes for a great quality B-grade creature feature.

Finally, I would be remiss not to mention again, separate from the synopsis: these. spiders. breathe. fire. If you don’t think that giant, fire-breathing spiders are awesome, then Arachnoquake is not the movie for you.

“Time to show daddy longlegs how we roll on the bayou.”

[People WATCH these movies? People actually PAY TO WATCH these movies? Oh Myyyyy – Editor